Dear Erika,

Shortly before I met you, I was turned down by a girl, right after being turned down for a job, right after having multiple close friends tell me that they no longer wanted to be in contact with me. In short, I broke down. For a reactive man, that was pretty good reason to.

I spent the whole night crying my heart out…. I ended up feeling like I was going to die. In fact I talked my self down really low. I used a manifestation ability that I have had since birth but never given much attention to.. I first started to think about the details of all my problems in turn. then I started to think about the connections of those problems and how much worse they were, now I knew they were connected. then I started to give names to the underlying problem. ; Unloved, Hated, Unworthy, Giftless, No purpose in life….. And then finally I came to the most accurate word yet… Not accepted… I laid in bed for almost half an hour screaming it over and over again in my head. and then finally I began to plain and simply will myself to die in my sleep… I felt a presence leaving my body (I now realize I was just losing consciousness) at the time it felt like my soul. I was scared as (insert powerful comparison here).

But then something happened. In that moment I felt a tiny light in the darkness of my mind… and I held onto it with all the will I had left. and it grew, incredibly fast. (not like a controlled mediation where it could take hours for an idea to be realized) And in that moment I became proactive. I had authority where the nature of a follower once lived. I had what eastern philosophy calls ‘will of fire’. It was Liberating, but more importantly, it illuminated the connection between all things. I still have a long ways to go, but that moment gave me a lit mind, not a mind with the light turned off, that asks “am I accepted yet?”. So next time a playa walks up to you, Erika, you can look them in the face and say “Ya know, I have a friend that once was dying over reactivism just like you, I can help you with that “

With love, Pink-Dragonkun.

I'mma Faerie!